When it comes to knowing who I was in Christ and learning my true identity in Him, I knew it had to be first on the list of things I would go back and try to help a younger me understand. But when other PWs ask me what I wish I had known about ministry, I falter. How do you put this colossal concept in a few clever sentences? How do you compress it into a short FB response or text? How do you state it matter-of-factly as you are sitting across the table from someone? How do you sum up something so intimate in your walk with God and that was not “one moment” revelation but hours upon hours of God’s working in your heart?

For me this was one of the biggest turning points in my life. It was a truth that God would use to stabilize me for the rest of this earthly pilgrimage. Everything I do and think right now goes back to this foundation.

I was 28 when my third child was born. My little Scarlett was a great baby, but just having a third child threw my little world into a tailspin. Two seemed like a natural step for me, but three felt like falling down an entire flight of stairs. My kids were all about two and a half years apart. Here we were with a growing ministry, three kids, and in our seventh year of marriage, which by the way just seems to be the magic number for a tough marital season. It seemed Josh was less present and the children were definitely more present than ever before.

I have always been an active person in ministry. My love language is “acts of service,” and naturally that falls into the realm of how I express my love to God. At this time, I was teaching a two year old Sunday school class, AWANA Cubbies, discipleship, and leading Jr. Choir among other service opportunities. I did these things because I enjoyed them and because I loved the Lord. However, deep inside I think I based a lot of my acceptance with my Heavenly Father in these things. I have no idea where I got this because my parents loved me unconditionally. Perhaps it was just my personality; the perfectionist, people-pleaser in me.

I never would have said, “God loves me more because I do…” I had been taught from the time I was a child that (more…)