A Source of Hope for Mom’s of Little Ones

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9

Our son Jonathan was the sweetest little toddler you have ever seen. He was mommy’s little helper. He was obedient, and overall had a good attitude. He had just one problem: he was a biter. If you have been at SHBC for any amount of time, you have likely heard my husband share some of JT’s fangish encounters. However while you may know he was a biter, what you may not know is that he was an “equal opportunity” biter. He would not just bite you when he was angry with you, he’d bite you if you were playing together, or if he thought you were cute. If he was happy to see you, he’d run up and hug you tight and then seal it with a bite!

I get tickled thinking about it now, but as a young mom, it was no laughing matter. I can remember dreading going to church or other activities because unlike our generally peaceful days at home, he was likely to whip out the ole’ choppers and do some damage to some unsuspecting victims. During this time, we punished that kid, we loved on him, we prayed with him, we even bit him back to try to communicate the pain that he was inflicting on others. Nothing seemed to get through. I remember one earnest mom came up to me proudly one Sunday with a “Bite Book” she had made for him. She had cut out pictures from a magazine of apples and chips and other things to bite and had pasted them on one page and had pasted pictures of things like fingers on the “no bite” page. I tried to smile and thank her for her efforts, but I remember in my exasperation wanting to sarcastically respond, “Oh! I just needed to explain it to him! Thank you!!!”…as if I had not already done that a hundred times.

Besides the hurt of seeing other moms “show off” the bite marks left on their children, there was the inner turmoil of questioning if I was doing anything right. Was I missing something? Had all I had been told about raising kids been a lie?

Josh and I both had wonderful parents and had the benefit of being on the receiving end of their parenting for 18 years. We had worked with children in ministry and gone to seminars training us in how to teach them. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I began reading Christian parenting books aloud to my weary but patient husband. Yet, here I was doing everything I knew to do, following the Scripture as closely and consistently as I could, and all I knew is I was exhausted and it wasn’t working.

The light at the end of my mordacious tunnel came from a friend of ours who runs a Christian camp nearby. He and his wife are heroes in our eyes as they are the type of parents you aspire to be. Josh and I were meeting with him regarding a camp. He had no idea about our toddler-sized dilemma, but asked how old Jonathan and Savannah were. When we responded 1 and 3, he sat back and laughed. He smiled and said, “Oh. I remember those years. We felt like all we ever did was run behind our kids disciplining them from ages 2 to 4.” That statement. Those few simple words were my lifeline. Here was someone who was doing what I wanted to do; who was getting the results I so desperately wanted to see, but it took some long years in between! I went back to the Lord and recommitted myself to His ways. I continued, and I’m so glad I did. Now I am the blessed mother of a 8, 11, and 13 year old who still have a lot of learning to do but are rarely in the need of discipline. Their hearts (Praise God!) are tender to Him, and our relationship is one so precious that I wish I could go back and reassure my younger self it would all be more than well!

I firmly believe, having walked that precarious preschool road, that those are valuable years. They help shape your child’s response to authority and to others. But they will at times seem impossible. Just keep going. Can I be that light for you, mom? It works. God’s ways really do. Love and instruction coupled with firm, unemotional justice (or consequences) will produce happy hearts in your children. But it is not once that you must commit…it is over and over again for years. You must sow before you will reap, but you will reap in due season.

So what happened with JT? Well, I kept on teaching him, praying for wisdom and grace, and disciplining him as patiently and lovingly as I could, and one day, he just got it. It was over. So if you see him today, feel free to extend your hand without fear. He has just gotten his eleven year bite free certificate. 🙂