3. A Mom who Seeks God
Many times my mother would share with me what she had learned in her quiet time, how God had just revealed a truth that she had never seen before. I listened; sometimes I marveled. Often I didn’t understand. Occasionally I would even be shocked by the seemingly simple truth that she had just discovered. (I didn’t realize at that time that head-knowledge and heart-knowledge were two different things! I can remember God taking one of those truths that she had shared so long ago, and moving it from my head to my heart recently. I get it now, Mom.) But nevertheless, she would share.
I remember seeing her come out of her little study and prayer room with her eyes red from tears. I was curious about what petitions could be so needful that her labor was marked by salty traces down her cheeks. As a mother myself, I now know. The needs that escape children’s wistful eyes are easily caught by the seasoned eyes of maturity.
I remember watching her in church. She was so ready to worship and learn. I remember wanting to be like that.
One thing is certain, she didn’t do all these things for me- to teach me, to prove to me that we were Christians.
She did these things because she knew that “without Him she could do nothing.” She walked with God for the pure and complete joy of fellowship with Him. But in doing so, I caught from her what could not be missed- a glimpse of Christ in her. As she kept her eyes on Him, my eyes were on her.
“And he (Jesus) said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.” Matthew 14:29-30
As I began my busy day today, I rose early enough to make some muffins for breakfast before school. This is part of my high and lofty goal of trying to make something once a week for breakfast besides cold cereal. I buzzed around doing dishes, starting laundry, and giving those morning reminders. Sent the kids off to school. Then it was at last time for me to settle in for my quiet time. I was reading through a devotional written by a friend and fellow staff-wife named Kelly Murray. She wrote these words that struck me about a devotional life focused on God.
“I think it needs to start first thing in the morning. Before your feet hit the
floor, make your first thought ‘Jesus.’ Not tiredness, worry, stress, the ‘to
do’ list, or the way you feel, but ‘Jesus.’ Remind yourself that your life is
about Jesus. Today is about Jesus. Jesus has great plans for you today.”
I thought back to my morning. I hadn’t really been angry. I hadn’t been too harsh, well maybe a bit harsh- but not too harsh. But I certainly had not thought about Jesus. I had not committed that fresh start with my kids to Him. I’m not being super-spiritual here, but I do know that as my mornings are not likely to grow less hectic any time soon, that I may have to have some help to keep me eyes on Him in the midst of so much distraction. At my small group, I shared this thought, and my friend Jamee showed me an app. she has on her phone that is just a quick verse and thought short enough to read even before you get out of bed. Thanks to her recommendation, this is one thing that helps me now turn my eyes to Him as soon as that open.
Because, you see, that is what I must have- more of Him, less of me. My thoughts and my center so quickly shift from Him to me. I need music, I need apps, I need Scripture memory, I need anything I can get to help me remain focused on His face, because it is certain that the restless, needy waves of activity will continually beat against my feet trying to pull my gaze from Him. The thunder of distraction tumbles in the clouds above my brain, and insecurity flashes like lightning drawing my mind to thoughts of fear and failure rather than faith and fortitude. And if I turn my eyes, I will sink.
Christ in His resurrected power has given us everything we need for life (II Pet. 1:3), if we will only look to Him to receive those things.
I want Jonathan, Savannah, and Scarlett to know that they can walk above the seas. I want them to know they can because they followed a mother who did. I want my kids to see Christ in me. I want them to know that from the morning light to the evening shadows, this life is all about Jesus. Trying to find strength within ourselves is a hopeless search. Looking for fulfillment in any other relationship or achievement will leave us void. Finding ourselves in Him is where we find life.
I need Him. And my children need me to need Him.
This is the mother I mean to be.
Part One- The Mother I Mean to Be
Part Two- The Mother I Mean to Be
